God dammit Paul. Can he not just listen to
what I have to say? Why is he so impatient? Stupid boy, so oblivious to his
surroundings, so oblivious to the world. I just wanted to teach him a lesson. I
wanted to impart my knowledge, but he was too stubborn to listen and too spoilt
to accept any other viewpoint. He needs to learn to appreciate the music, to
understand the music, to ride the emotions of the music rather than just being
stuck in his ways of sitting at a piano, touching the keys and playing the
notes off the book in front of him. He needs to understand that I only want the
best for him. I only want him to be what other kids of his age cannot be and to
do what other kids of his age cannot do. I know he can press the keys and read
the music but I want him to be able to do more.
He has great potential. I know it. I can
sense it. He is like my son was. He is just like Eric. My dear, Eric. Eric had
a gift but such little time to open that gift and use it. He was like a sponge:
he took in a lot of information and did with it what he could. He tried to see
what I could see and wanted to be the best he could be. This is the difference
between Eric and Paul. Paul is impatient and stuck in his ways. He can’t hear
the music.
Paul has no respect. None. Once he learns to
respect myself, himself, the piano and the music, he will be a pianist. Without
this he is nothing; like paper without a pen. At the moment I need him as much
as he needs me and I will keep persevering to teach Paul everything I’ve learnt.
Once I have done this, I will have succeeded and he won’t need me anymore.
